The Peace We Forfeit and the Pain We Bear

Shipwrecked

Sometimes a shipwreck is the best thing that can happen to us. No self-pity intended, but when we’re sitting in the dust and ash of the burnt down remains of what we thought was our best efforts, that may be in the best situation we could be in. Ironically, it’s here with the smoke in our eyes where we can finally begin to see.

If you are in that place, odds are you are not who you wish you were. Your failures and compromises have built up and your mind has turned into a theater of warfare that must be overcome. Ol’ Poseidon is probably having a hey day in your head and twisting up some wicked cognitive distortions. These could be catastrophizing a worst case scenario, personalizing that everything is your fault, or filtering out the positives and only seeing the negative.

The good news is you don’t have to stay sitting there like Job, scraping the wounds with broken pottery. The bad news is it’s going to take a lot of effort to get moving and you’re already twisted up because the effort you had been putting in didn’t bear the fruit you thought it would. Enter all the things that people say to you.

The Gurus Aren’t Your Friend

You’re going to hear a lot of voices on your voyage through this life. This flying space rock we live on isn’t any respecter of persons and doesn’t favor kindness. For better or for worse, you’re going to be surrounded by influences. We’ve talked about the saturating corruption of influence before. You’re going to listen to someone you wish you hadn’t, and you’re not going to listen to someone you’ll later wish you had. When your boat is rocked and you’re unsteady, don’t be like Jill Pole in The Silver Chair and forget the signs. You need to be steady. The honest truth is just because I’m here writing about fightin’ Poseidon doesn’t mean every swing of my sword is one of strength. There are many battles I’ve lost, and I’m sure there are more to come.

The internet has no shortage of voices giving advice on how to be a dad and raise a family and run a household. The irony is I’m one of them. It’s easy to spout off life lessons, platitudes, and anecdotes. Like a fog rolling in, there will be a lot of advice but rarely is the one giving advice in your situation. No one’s made the decisions you have and has to own the fruit of their advice like you do. Me included. The guru is dropping down wisdom from on high that is likely never tested by actual life and that’s never worked for me. After all, the guru is bending and posturing for engagement, and who’s to know if what they wrote wasn’t churned out by AI. There’s a lot of tells to AI but there’s also a lot of guys who are good with prompts, too. You have to learn how to spot the genuine article.

(Just for the record, I don’t use AI for my writing projects. I’ve used it for pictures on these posts because it’s fun to play with but you won’t read anything from me that was spit out by a computer. Well, I did do that one post while I was writing The Weekly Rhythm, but I’m not proud of myself for having done that even if it was to prove a point.)

If you find yourself shipwrecked, the engagement-driving follower-thirsty gurus don’t have your best interest in mind. They can’t. They don’t know you. Even well meaning friends can fall into this trap, trying to address the infinitesimal complexities of your life from a safe distance. The times are always changing and the trends are always raging. You won’t be able to escape the fickle breezes that blow your way. When you’re shipwrecked, you’re wanting out.

So what are you to do?

The Not So Secret Wisdom

This is advice I’m trying to take myself. It’s so tempting to get moving and act. If you’re in any online space, you will hear a strong call for men to take action.

One thing that separates the gurus from the genuine article is the type of advice given. Specific targeted advice is easy to sell because it feels like, “That’s all I have to do? I’m in!” In reality, life is not so easy and the path is not always so clear. You don’t need to know what step to take next because neither I nor your friends nor the gurus know your situation.

You need wisdom. You need practical wisdom. You don’t need the answer.

I am very quick to act. I am slow to seek wisdom and this says a lot about me.

I will often act with little to no prayer. The Maker of the universe has opened the door to Himself through the death and resurrection of His only begotten Son. The ultimate sacrifice and the ultimate wisdom, and I still go on to do my own thing without taking counsel with Him. To switch up my metaphors and go with a gardening one, I’m plowing before I’m praying.

Take some time to be still and slowly seek the Lord in prayer. The Bible is still a better bet than anything I write or what a guru puts up for engagement. It’s not flashy counsel but the Bible is timeless and dynamic to guide you wherever you’re at, whether it be under several years of skill building a generational legacy or you’re lost at sea in a smoldering boat that you’ve lit on fire yourself.

None of us are beyond redemption. None of us have to be defined by the past.

There is hope but it’s not in our ability to perform or figure it out.

In 1855, Joseph M. Scriven penned the words to a hymn that are full of wisdom. In 2013, Ghost Ship wrote a modern arrangement that I love.

Slow down this week. Take it to the Lord.

Talk to y’all soon.

~ J.P. Simons