The Polarities that Clash for Power

The Helm

Phew, this is gonna be a spicy one today.

This post has grown since I originally started writing it. I had no idea when I launched the new format for Fightin’ Poseidon last month that the channels I was following would lead to this destination. Those paths have been realizing you’re in a battle, how our actions affect one another, the importance of truth telling, and carrying the weight of our neighbor’s glory. But alas, here we are.

I also want say right up front that I don’t have anyone in mind when I’m writing about this topic. This isn’t a passive aggressive post about my own marriage.

Here for the grace of God go I.

This is how it started.

Clash of Tides

I saw this post from Megan Basham and it snagged me like a thorn from a South Carolina blackberry bush.

Like the blackberry thorn, has the finger pointing like Megan describes become lodged in you only to become infected and painful? Blame-shifting and transactional living will take a slow toll on the lives of those who entertain the rot.

I’ve been married for 21 years and I’ve entertained a fair amount of rot within marriage books, articles and social media posts. Some have been good. Some have been bad. Some are in the gray area. There’s a subtle shift that happens on the messaging to guys when talking about leading their homes. Maybe it started with Mark Driscoll’s infamous man-up message that climaxed in a tirade of “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” He and others have said, “The essence of masculinity is the taking of responsibility.” I can get on board with that statement. Or maybe it was Jocko’s urge for Extreme Ownership. Maybe the people I’ve been around just weren’t very good at dicing up all this advice and discipling others with it. I don’t know. One things for sure, social media is a race to the bottom of the lowest common denominator and the husband and father’s responsibility bearing quickly slides into it being his fault.

Maybe what you’re experiencing is your fault and maybe it’s not. Who knows beyond the Lord. What we do know is that wherever you are, as the man of the house, the responsibility to manage the family well, in love and wisdom and gentleness, without exasperating his children, is on the man. Those are his charges in Scripture.

The point of bringing up Driscoll and Jocko and responsibility is that somewhere between the lines there lies a quiet transaction, a subtle snare that is barely noticeable, that sounds like, “If you do X, they will do Y. If you lead well enough, if you’re skilled enough, then your people will follow your lead.” Within our different makeups and responses to one another, this unspoken exchange can lead to a massive repulsion, like two magnets of similar poles that repel each other. It becomes a clash for powers where we’re trying to claim our rightful place and get what’s rightfully ours.

Try as we might and as good as our efforts may be, C.S. Lewis sets us up for a more realistic expectation of ourselves.

Have you slipped into thinking it’s all up to you? I have. I still do. It’s pervasive. Have you given weight to the idea that it’s up to you to lead well enough or submit well enough and then your spouse will finally do what you want them to do? This is so far from the way of Christ. It is so easy to be affected by subtle ideas that sound good which is why we have to measure the ideas we’re presented against the solid rock of Scripture. Paul tells us in Romans 5:8 that even while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. The truth is we are all a mixed bag and there’s a ton of stuff we don’t get right. The more we try to be good, the worse and weaker we find ourselves.

Have you ever justified your actions by blame shifting and pointing the finger at how your spouse isn’t holding up their end of the bargain? Like with Meg Basham’s X post above, we cannot get into transactional living in our marriages. The next interaction is one that came across my feed and I thought it took Meg’s post to a next level.

When we’re the targets of spiritual warfare, it’s not like the attacks are out there in the aether where our day to day lives are untouched. Our walk with God is a target. Our marriages are targets. The relationships with our kids are targets. It can be guilt or lust or strife or emotional sabotage. The tactic doesn’t matter, but the devil is after high priority targets.

A few weeks ago our pastor said we wouldn’t be experiencing temptation if the devil had us where he wanted us.

What’s our spiritual warfare here? We carry the weight of our spouse’s glory and the backs of the proud will be broken. We can’t look at marriage like a return on an investment. It’s a covenant, not a contract. Another day we can talk about covenants but the basics for now is that it’s a promise with a consequence for breaking. Some of you have felt the devastation.

In the clash of transactions and barters within a marriage, what it means to love like Christ is to give when the other person will not reciprocate. Hopefully, your spouse will respond, but if they don’t, you aren’t off the hook to love them like Christ loved you.

We will be tempted to anger. We will be tempted to bitterness, resentment, and keeping a record of wrongs.

We will be tempted to snap, use sharp words, and mutter under our breath.

We will be tempted to withhold affection and praise and encouragement from those who disappoint us.

If we do any of those things, we sin by living like the unforgiving servant and we give the devil a foothold. In our pursuit of power, we surrender it in a whirlpool of self-interest. Real power is in forgiveness and reigning over our passions.

On the other hand, we will never be tempted to be humble and love them regardless of how they respond. We will never be tempted to give when they don’t deserve it. We will never be tempted to keep giving even if they never give back. We definitely won’t be tempted to forgive them when they didn’t ask for it.

What healing is around the corner when we respond with a warm shoulder?

The Armory

When was the last time you looked at your spouse or child or friend or pastor and thought, “Pay what you owe!”

This is at the heart of transactional living.

How we relate with God will affect how we relate with others, and we won’t be able to get those horizontal relationships in order until we’re in order vertically with God. Forgiveness is at the heart of relationships.

For The Armory today, we’re going to take a look at a parable that Jesus told in the Gospel According to Matthew to see how pivotal forgiveness is in our lives. If we aren’t forgiving, we are open to more than just spiritual attacks but are in danger of the very real wrath of God. Isn’t joining the devil in rebellion where he wants us?

“Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his Lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. Therefore, the slave fell to the ground and was prostrating himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And feeling compassion, the Lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him one hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So, his fellow slave fell to the ground and was pleading with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So, when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their Lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his Lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his Lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your hearts.”‭‭

Matthew‬ ‭18‬:‭21‬-‭35‬ ‭LSB‬‬

The heart of the gospel is Jesus dying on the cross to save sinners who didn’t deserve it and couldn’t earn it. If Christ died on the cross to pay the debt we owed so we could be forgiven, what does it say about the condition of our hearts when we hold someone’s sin against them by refusing to forgive them?

Sunbreak Stories

I need your help to keep Sunbreak Stories going.

Do you have a time when it looked grim in your life but the Sun broke through?

Is there a time unforgiveness was ruining you and God brought you to a place where you could finally let go?

What about a broken relationship that was healed?

Hit reply to send me and email or slide into my DMs on X or Instagram and share the story. If you’d prefer to remain anonymous, we can do that.

Dropping Anchor

If you’ve been living transactionally, go to that person this week and repent. Tell them you’re sorry for loving them with the expectation of what you’d get in return. Ask and extend forgiveness.

Don’t give the devil a foothold in your life with transactional living.

Give without strings attached. Love the undeserving.

Who knows what blessings you may unlock.

Stay Anchored and keep fighting the good fight,

~ J.P. Simons ⚓️

Below Deck: A Deep Dive

We’re rolling with our good friend Thomas Brooks with Chapter 1 from Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices (1652). May the Lord protect of from the snares of that roaring lion the devil as he seeks to devour us.

CHAPTER 1: THE PROOF OF THE POINT

For the proof of the point, take these few Scriptures: (Eph. 6:11), "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." The Greek word that is here rendered "wiles," is a notable emphatic word.

(1) It signifies such snares as are laid behind one, such treacheries as come upon one's back by surprise, it notes the methods or waylayings of that old subtle serpent, who, like Dan's adder "in the path," bites the heels of passengers, and thereby transfuses his venom to the head and heart (Gen. 49:17). The word signifies an ambush or stratagem of war, whereby the enemy sets upon a man at unawares.

(2) It signifies such snares as are set to catch one in one's road. A man walks in his road, and thinks not of it; but suddenly he is caught by thieves, or falls into a pit, etc.

(3) It signifies such as are purposely, artificially, and craftily set for the taking the prey at the greatest advantage that can be. The Greek signifies properly a waylaying, circumvention, or going about, as they do, who seek after their prey. Julian, by his craft, drew more away from the faith than all his persecuting predecessors could do by their cruelty. So does Satan more hurt in his sheep's skin than by roaring like a lion.

Take one scripture more for the proof of the point, and that is in 2 Tim. 2:26, "And that they might recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will." The Greek word that is here rendered recover themselves, signifies to awaken themselves. The apostle alludes to one who is asleep or drunk, who is to be awakened and restored to his senses; and the Greek word that is here rendered "taken captive," signifies to be taken alive. The word is properly a military word, and signifies to be taken alive, as soldiers are taken alive in the wars, or as birds are taken alive and ensnared in the fowler's net. Satan has snares for the wise and snares for the simple; snares for hypocrites, and snares for the upright; snares for generous souls, and snares for timorous souls; snares for the rich, and snares for the poor; snares for the aged, and snares for youth. Happy are those souls that are not taken and held in the snares that he has laid!

Take one proof more, and then I will proceed to the opening of the point, and that is in Rev. 2:24, "But unto you I say, and unto the rest in Thyatira, as many as have not this doctrine, and who have not known the depths of Satan, as they speak, I will put upon you no other burden but to hold fast until I come." These poor souls called their opinions the depths of God, when indeed they were the depths of Satan. You call your opinions depths, and so they are—but they are such depths as Satan has brought out of hell. They are the whisperings and hissings of that serpent, not the inspirations of God.

Thomas Brooks