The silent treatment.

The cold shoulder.

This one hurts because the dudes I know who have experienced this, and many have, it brings an internal rot to the harbor of their already deficient souls. It’s not just guys who receive the cold shoulder because they can dish it out as much as they take it, but let’s be honest. Girls, you can get pretty catty with each other.

While we are all responsible for our own actions and self-control, or lack thereof, the silent treatment can amplify sin and provoke self-submission to present fractures.

Of all the conflicts and obstacles that a man may come up against, even open fighting with words flying is preferred as the lesser of two evils compared to a defiant manipulation of conflict. The silent treatment is a control tactic that is tempting to those who feel like they have no control. It’s mutiny against the relationship with the other person.

It isn’t fast acting. It’s a slow erosion. If you want to hollow a man out, drain him of will power and confidence, and make him feel like he has about as much purpose in life as a grease stain, I can’t think of a surer way to do it than silent mutiny.

With hat in hand and trepidation to go there, this one’s for the hollow men.

What does the willful refusal of words cost a relationship?

Not someone you don’t know, but someone you do who has let you down in some way. I’m talking about the deliberate hostile choice to deny a connection that should be there.

The silent mutineer says with their mouth, “There is no quarrel between us;” however, their actions say something totally different. Their loudest words aren’t words at all. It’s the willful holding back of words. It’s contempt. Resentment.

No more waving. No more smiling. No more eye contact. No more other-interested curiosity. It’s the looking away. It’s the turning up of the nose and subtle snarling of the lip as attention turns toward someone else to provide what’s denied in the other direction.

Total silence and relationship denial in one direction. Total embrace and laughter and so many things to talk about and care about and check up on in another direction.

Silent mutiny rebelliously declares, “You are dead to me.” The claim of having no-quarrel is gaslighting, and makes one question their own sanity.

Ironically, the silent mutineer will not always remain silent.

When they choose to finally open up about what’s been choking them in silence, it’s under their breath as the one they have contempt for walks away. The confrontation isn’t direct. It’s not about resolving anything. It’s barbed jabs meant to vent contempt instead of resolve conflict. The resentment choking them won’t loosen its grip for resolution. It’s a darkness that has to be cared for, nurtured and fed.

If this is the course you chart, do not be deceived. God’s not mocked. Your resentment will speak loudly for you, and the treasures of your heart will shine brightly enough for all to see.

Not all silence equates with mutiny, however. Often, the silent mutineer will crush and hollow out the one their mutiny is raised against. It’s indirect. It’s passive aggressive, refusing the relationship while refusing to reconcile or work through the offense. Silent mutiny will steamroll the object of its ire until they are silenced. No amount of talk, reason, attempt at reconciliation will work. Now, steamrolled into silence, hollowed out with the belief that nothing can be said, the silent mutineer has come out on top.

The clash is over. The dust has settled. The love is gone. There is only winning and losing. There are only adversaries to conquer. Authorities to displace. The denial of warmth, love, affection, and relationship starves out the spark of life between two people. The silent mutiny has been effective.

In silent mutiny, self-sacrifice for the good of the other has dried up and the husk of giving only contains a cold shoulder.

One way or another, you’re submitting to someone. Who will you have the strength to submit to? That’s the question my friend Jeremy Puskas recently asked. You are you going to bend your knee to? If your answer was no one, I beg you to reconsider how wrong you could be.

I am not saying that men don’t give into silent mutiny. They do.

There’s a lot of marriage related influencer accounts out there. Many of them use guilt for motivation, but one who has consistently created content to help wives become a river of living water in their homes is Alyssa Rhoda. She recently posted this:

Men can and will retreat just as well as they can give in to silent mutiny. However, there are a couple things I’ve discovered in the last two years and thousands upon thousands of words I’ve typed for Fightin’ Poseidon.

One. Women read this. It would take me asking a few more questions to figure out why, but I hope it’s because they want to better support the men in their lives.

Two. As a social media user, I see a lot of online chatter that I also see manifesting in the boys and men around me. Specifically, who is to blame for the wrong in the world. There is a large target over women, blaming them for the state of injustice and decay in families, churches, the workplace, and the world. It’s a stereotype, sure, and certainly doesn’t apply to all women, but it isn’t for nothing books like White Knights and Reviling Wives by David Edgington are written. It doesn’t matter what wave or flavor of feminism it is, if there’s a hint of it, it’s being called out as a problem. I’m telling you this to be informative about what’s widely being discussed.

You may not be aware of it, but there’s an extremely popular saying going around right now in 2026 that is something along the lines of, “Men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, but women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.” In my research for this post, I saw it again, as well as many other of the core messages men are getting at a Facebook page called Success is a Verb.

One of the comments on the Alyssa Rhoda post I just shared said, “If your wife isn’t your port, she is your storm.”

I say all this because I don’t know if you’re even aware this is the man-o-sphere internet subculture right now. Somewhere close to you, this message is influential. Whether it’s true or not, whether it will gain a foothold, is to be determined. It’s like Fight Club and the first rule of defense against silent mutiny may be not to talk about Fight Club.

Lady, who are you? What do your actions communicate to your husband? Further, what do your actions communicate to your friends? And then to your children about how to relate to your husband and family and friends? You, lady, are massively influential.

I ask as a friend because I’ve seen women do this. Offense grows large. Their self-actualization looms like lords over their potential and no one is going to stand in their way. There will be no peace until they’re appeased. Silent mutiny often occurs when a person feels like they don’t have the power to go scorched earth, so they take control of the one area they feel like they can: words, connection, relationship. The silent mutineer knows their refusal of words breaks more bones than sticks and stones.

There is a very loud and influential community of influencers out there making cases that women are the problem. Andrew Tate, facing trafficking and assault charges himself, is among them. I share this because, male or female, I want you to know that influence is out there. It’s probably not as far away as you think it is.

I understand relational conflict can be difficult to work through. What I want to raise your awareness of is that while you’re working through your very real emotions, or while you’re actively choosing silence and relational disconnection, there is a cacophony of loud voices who places a blazing inferno of cherry red arrows pointed right over your head signaling, “SEE?! She’s doing it… AGAIN. Just like a woman!”

A narrative is being written, and I’m not talking about the influencers with that statement. The answer isn’t to rebound hard and aim for the trad wife life, either. It lies in your communication, actions, and affections.

Guy, you’re fighting a battle not to believe that mob. Lady, you are fighting a battle not to make the mob believable.

Do you tear down your house with silent mutiny?

Does your passive aggression and refusal to move forward and work things out build your house? Does it bless your family members? Does it display the love you have been given or are you choking out someone who owes you a lesser debt than you have been forgiven of?

I don’t know the answer to any of those questions, and I’m not accusing. They’re diagnostics and I’m presenting them to you. Reminder here that I draw from a lot of experiences from people around me, and don’t go for specific targets.

If you’ve given in and made the mob believable, it’s not the end of the world. Grace covers sins. Repent of your silent mutiny today. There is forgiveness for the humble, but the backs of the proud will be broken under the weight of glory. Seek reconciliation with those you have weaponized silence and offense against.

Love is going to cost you, and you must count that cost if you’re willing to lay down the crown of your silent mutiny before the crucified and risen Son of God.

Who will you bend the knee to?

Choose this day which kingdom you will serve.

In a world of influencers, whether they be social media or the news or magazines in the check out aisle, lady please realize the massive amount of influence you have.

You can be the safe harbor or the storm. The wind in the sails or the anchor that stops the journey. The river of life or the dry creek of drought. The courage in his spine or the mutiny in his crew.

If you have acted in mutiny against your man, you’ll have to make the first move of repentance. It has to be asking for forgiveness and showing him with your actions, not just telling him with your words, that you’re serious about it.

Just like with the men last week, you have to take every thought captive. Well, you don’t, really… but what you allow to shape you will reveal where your heart lies. If it’s a struggle to mutiny even when you don’t want to, be vulnerable. Confess that to him. That’s a very ANTI-mutiny action, shows respect and connection, and seeks to build what was once torn down.

There is hope in Jesus of Nazareth for all of us after our failures.

Stay Anchored and keep fighting the good fight,

~ J.P. Simons ⚓️

Since we are talking about battles between kingdoms, I wanted to share this recent study I went through.

It’s a plan on YouVersion where Mark Driscoll went through the chapters of Daniel, a book where the clash of kingdoms is present on almost every page. Driscoll is a mix of hit and miss for me, but I thought this was quite good.

I read the @YouVersion plan 'Kingdom Down: A Study in Daniel'. Check it out here: