A friend recently told me, “As a guy, nobody cares about how I feel.” If so many reels and comments on posts of guys expressing the same sentiment hadn’t come across my social feeds, I’d have half a mind to dismiss the statement.

However, I have seen the reels and the comments.

The other half of my mind agrees with him because, whether you care how I feel or not, I have felt the same way. I’ve talked to too many dudes who don’t even come close to claiming perfection, but are sailing into the headwinds with nothing fueling them beyond sheer grit to keep going.

That doesn’t matter. Sometimes our ships run ashore. Life breaks apart on the rocks. We’re not gliding through the open water. Shipwrecked, we drag ourselves out of the water and onto the land. Now, we have to walk the road.

That is where we’re navigating today.

Did the statement, “Nobody cares how you feel,” sound harsh to you?

If you want some context, let me pull back the veil to allow some light in the dark corners of the male mind. Many words may fall of deaf ears, and some don’t want many words. I take the path of Treebeard in Lord of the Rings, modeled after C.S. Lewis, that anything worth saying takes a very long time to say.

The reason nobody cares how men feel is because there is a job that must be done. A task that must be accomplished. A road that must be walked. A war that must be fought. It doesn’t matter how men feel.

The darts will come. The misunderstandings and attacks will fly. Yet, we must go on. These are the shoulders God has designed men with. With varying degrees of success, and I hope limited to no degrees of cowardice, we must shoulder it and keep moving.

Working in the blue collar trades, I see it all the time. I see guys fighting depression, hopelessness, misunderstanding, accusation. Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a man who, while recovering from an injury, was told by his wife that he wasn’t good enough for her because he wouldn’t be able to give her the life she wanted. A man who gave up his body to be broken to support her. Brother, if you ever read this, I hope it does you no dishonor that I shared a veiled version of your story here. You allowed yourself to be seen and I’m grateful for that. As we talked about, it’s key to become aware you’re not alone.

When a man, who was created to work, created to bear weight, created to carry on, is incapacitated in such a way that his body can no longer do that? The horrors a man goes through in his mind and the battles he has to fight to live another day are not inconsequential. We know we have to shoulder it and keep moving.

In such a charge is why I believe Cormac McCarthy’s bestselling novel The Road resonates with so many men. Ask around, “What did you think of The Road?” It could be the book or the 2009 movie, although I think the movie is a bit brighter in tone. Either way, I believe the general response you get will be a repulsion from the bleak outlook. It is not a happy story, yet, even while it is a work of fiction, the reason it resonates is because it is a true story. It resonates when it feels like real life. The cataclysm, the bandits, the elements, the suffering. None of it matters. All that matters is the man getting the boy to the east coast. To me, the setting is bleak, but the love of the man for his son is a blazing fire of hope and fatherhood. It is a relationship fires in the crucible of suffering, and that is what draws men together. Side by side suffering. There’s no time for feelings. We know the world doesn’t care. There’s nothing like the respect that comes from a brother going, “I’m in this with you.”

As is true with the roads we walk and drive on, so is also true with our metaphorical roads. There are ditches on the side we must avoid falling into. One such ditch is gritty stoicism. That’s one I thought would deliver me.

We’re also not called to walk the road as stoics, although that is the path of least resistance. Muscling up with the power the humble knows he doesn’t have or the arrogant believes he has an endless supply of is the easiest path to chart forward. There is an objective, and for better or for worse, we’re going to get there. That is the temptation, and because nobody cares how men feel, it’s also the path of least resistance to go it alone. The bills must be paid, so we must enter the mines and canaries be damned. Harsh? Doesn’t matter. There’s a job to do.

On such a lonely road, teeth clenched in grit of the sheer will to not fall down and rot by the wayside, another darkness can enter. It must be a logical conclusion, because man was not meant to be alone. When the man’s bitterness isn’t dealt with, can no longer be contained, and it begins to leak out of him, suddenly those around him will care how he feels because it’s affecting them. “You are grumpy. You are sullen. Why are you so angry all the time?” I don’t care how far inland the road has taken a man, the clash of tides will still reach him. He will feel it, and if he has not given up, he will feel the tension within himself as he’s on the brink of sabotaging his own mission. He must go on, but like a man who’s body has given out of him is incapacitated, it is even worse when a man’s will has given out on him. His will gives out when he no longer has anything to fight for. His will gives out when the fight he’s made for those he loves isn’t good enough. His effort is met with ire, his strengths of which he has few are met with contempt, his weaknesses of which he has many met with scorn. In such darkness, he can come to a place where he can no longer see the light.

We must fight in the shade. We must carry on when misunderstood. We must drive beyond our headlights. We must continue paddling even if the ship has been dashed to pieces and were floating on the wreckage. However, here is a make or break moment for the man in darkness. The Spartans weren’t alone. General Patton wasn’t alone. The man on The Road wasn’t alone. And neither are you. Or at least, you don’t have to be. I’m not talking about your misery loving company, either.

You see, the Lord promised that He would never leave us or forsake us in Deuteronomy 31:6. Yes, this was directly given to the Israelites on the edge of the Promised Land, but the author of Hebrews (13:5) encourages believers with the passage signifying the Lord’s steadfast presence to His people is timeless.

Further, because the Lord is always with us, we can bank on another steadfast promise - “The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23‬:‭1‬ ‭CSB‬‬

In truth, we actually don’t need anyone to care about how we feel because the Lord is our shepherd. We don’t have to be afraid. We don’t lack anything. We can work from a place of rest, not of teeth-gritting defiance into the headwinds or jungle thickets. If we’re working from a place of rest, we must also work from a position of humility. It’s not up to us. We may pray, we may plow, we may sew the seeds. It is the Lord who builds the house, changes hearts, and brings the harvest. Maybe it’d be better to say that it’s foundational to know the Lord is our shepherd and who we are is found in being adopted as his son through the atoning work of Jesus. When the care of others fails, the Lord will always be there.

“But, our responsibility! We must take action!”

I agree, but, we will also never find peace through our action. We cannot work from a place of rest if it’s all up to us. This is a ditch I’ve fallen into. It’s the conclusion of will. The ditch on the other side is sheer apathy, tempting us to give up, just lay down and die. In fact, I also had a older man, whose body is failing him as he is in so much pain to walk and his breath is so short already, tell me how thanks to the cold he caught, he’s going to go home and die. I don’t think he meant it literally, but I had to tell him I didn’t want that phone call and he wasn’t allowed to do that. This is a man who, if he were to quit working, he has someone who does care about him that is concerned he literally will die if he stop working.

It’s only from the place of rest of leaning all your trust onto your reconciliation with God through His son, Jesus Christ. He has called us to obey, but if you heed that call more than His calling you His son or daughter, then the temptation to believe you are the one who creates worlds and shapes the cosmos of hearts will drown your joy in darkness.

Joy is the missing element.

I know we are supposed to have joy in the Lord but thanks to our own misunderstandings of the gospel, joy is not easy to come by. Certainly not as easy as our misunderstandings of the gospel are to come by.

Joy gives no excuse for laying down in any ditch. Joy gives us the will to move on, and the burden of that joy is light. It doesn’t break teeth, it doesn’t dampen heart fires, and it doesn’t matter who cares about how you feel because - covered in the shed blood of the son of God and promised a death-defeating resurrection - the Lord of all creation has called you His son or daughter.

It’s still something I need and want to grow in. We used to sing a song in church that sang, “Lord take me deeper into the glories of Calvary.” Amen and amen. The presence of the old man aches in the body of the new man.

I shared some of these thoughts with one of my deacons at church. This is a man who took note of me visibly struggling earlier this year, came to me with support, and I kept him at arms length. He was telling me I didn’t have to go it alone, and I insisted I did.

Alone may be our lot, but it also may not have to be. Sometimes we choose it on our own, and I have. It’s hard to put yourself out there. Maybe one of the lessons to learn in this is that, though we set our eyes to the coast, it may not be the destination God has for us.

God is good. All the time.

I have what I need.

Slowly read through Psalm 23 and if you cannot say it’s true of you, where you are, ask the Lord to help you rest in it.

How do you believe I can testify to these things?

I’ve fallen into ditches. I’ve run my ship ashore. I’ve shipwrecked my authority. Maybe you aren’t there, maybe you are.

But you are here, so thank you for hearing my heart. If you read this far, I’ll take it as caring about what I’m saying and how it may be affecting the men around you.

Tunnel vision does claim victims on the road.

A blind man cannot see that there are those who maybe do care after all. You can be that person. Tell someone today that you do care about them, and then find a way to bring life to your words by showing them instead of merely telling them. You may not be able to bear the burden that’s been laid on your shoulders, but you may be able to bear the weight of their glory.

Who knows what life the Lord will bring of it. Yet, we do know that there is life giving power in His words.

If you know someone who would be encouraged by this dispatch, forward it on and invite them to join the crew. These are the bonds of shared sufferings. You don’t have to go it alone. And if you’re in real life proximity to me? By all means, you really don’t have to go it alone, and you don’t have to worry about what a jerk you’ve been. I’ve been that jerk, too.

Today is the day for light and life.

On a slightly different note, I’m days away from finishing the final edit on my first book, Pray Then Plow: Practical Steps For Men Who Won’t Give Up. My goal is to have it up on Kindle ASAP, and y’all will be the first to know.

Stay Anchored and keep fighting the good fight,

~ J.P. Simons ⚓️

It’s important to remember that we do not wage warfare against flesh and blood. Though we might clash with our fellow man, it is not they who are the enemies. Rather, it is they who are the captives. There is nothing the forces of darkness, the devil and his legions, would hunger for more than to see the division amongst people. Especially God’s people.

I’m going to have to write more about this one.

For now, we’ll dive back down into the dusty tome of Thomas Brooks’ 1652 guide to spiritual warfare, Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices.

The devil operates best in the dark, and he wishes to keep you and I there, too.

This is the fourth device Brooks’ explains that Satan uses to draw the soul to sin, and its remedies.

DEVICE 4: By presenting to the soul the best men's sins, and by hiding from the soul their virtues; by showing the soul their sins, and by hiding from the soul their sorrows and repentance: as by setting before the soul the adultery of David, the pride of Hezekiah, the impatience of Job, the drunkenness of Noah, the blasphemy of Peter, etc., and by hiding from the soul the tears, the sighs, the groans, the meltings, the humblings, and repentings of these precious souls.

Remedy (1). The first remedy against this device of Satan is, seriously to consider, That the Spirit of the Lord has been as careful to note the saints' rising by repentance out of sin, as he has to note their falling into sins. David falls fearfully—but by repentance he rises sweetly. 'Blot out my transgressions, wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, cleanse me from my sin; for I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow; deliver me from blood-guiltiness, O God, God of my salvation.' It is true, Hezekiah's heart was lifted up under the abundance of mercy that God had cast in upon him; and it is as true that Hezekiah humbled himself for the pride of his heart, so that the wrath of the Lord came not upon him, nor upon Jerusalem, in the days of Hezekiah. It is true, Job curses the day of his birth, and it is as true that he rises by repentance: 'Behold, I am vile,' says he; 'what shall I answer you? I will lay my hand upon my mouth. Once have I spoken—but I will not answer; yes twice—but I will proceed no further. I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear—but now my eye sees you; wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes' (Job 40:4, 5; 42:5, 6). Tertullian says that he was born for no other purpose but to repent.

Peter falls dreadfully—but rises by repentance sweetly; a look of love from Christ melts him into tears. He knew that repentance was the key to the kingdom of grace. As once his faith was so great that he leaped, as it were, into a sea of waters to come to Christ; so now his repentance was so great that he leaped, as it were, into a sea of tears, because he had denied Christ. Some say that, after his sad fall, he was ever and always weeping, and that his face was even furrowed with continual tears. He had no sooner took in poison but he vomited it up again, before it got to the vitals; he had no sooner handled this serpent but he turned it into a rod to scourge his soul with remorse for sinning against such clear light, and strong love, and sweet discoveries of the heart of Christ to him. Luther confesses that, before his conversion, he met not with a more displeasing word in all his study of divinity than repent—but afterward he took delight in the word. Clement notes that Peter so repented, that all his life after, every night when he heard the cock crow, he would fall upon his knees, and, weeping bitterly, would beg pardon of his sin. Ah, souls, you can easily sin as the saints—but can you repent with the saints? Many can sin with David and Peter, that cannot repent with David and Peter—and so must perish forever! Theodosius the emperor, pressing that he might receive the Lord's supper, excuses his own foul act by David's doing the like; to which Ambrose replies, You have followed David transgressing, follow David repenting, and then think you of the table of the Lord.

Remedy (2). The second remedy against this device of Satan is, solemnly to consider, That these saints did not make a trade of sin. They fell once or twice, and rose by repentance, that they might keep the closer to Christ forever. They fell accidentally, occasionally, and with much reluctancy; and you sin presumptuously, obstinately, readily, delightfully, and customarily. The saints cannot sin with a whole will—but, as it were, with a half-will, an unwillingness; not with a full consent—but with a dissenting consent. You have, by your making a trade of sin, contracted upon your soul a kind of cursed necessity of sinning, that you can as well cease to be, or cease to live, as you can cease to sin. Sin is, by custom, become as another nature to you, which you can not, which you will not lay aside, though you know that if you do not lay sin aside, God will lay your soul aside forever; though you know that if sin and your soul do not part, Christ and your soul can never meet. If you will make a trade of sin, and cry out—Did not David sin thus, and Noah sin thus, and Peter sin thus? No! their hearts turned aside to folly one day—but your heart turns aside to folly every day (2 Peter 2:14, Prov. 4:6); and when they were fallen, they rise by repentance, and by the actings of faith upon a crucified Christ. But you fall, and have no strength nor will to rise—but wallow in sin, and will eternally die in your sins, unless the Lord be the more merciful to your soul. Do you think, O soul, this is good reasoning? — Such a one tasted poison but once, and yet narrowly escaped; but I daily drink poison, yet I shall escape. Yet such is the mad reasoning of vain souls. David and Peter sinned once foully and fearfully; they tasted poison but once, and were sick to death; but I taste it daily, and yet shall not taste of eternal death. Remember, O souls! that the day is at hand when self-flatterers will be found self-deceivers, yes, self-murderers! Though sin dwells in the regenerate, yet it does not reign over the regenerate; they rise by repentance.

Remedy (3). The third remedy against this device of Satan is, seriously to consider, That though God does not, nor never will, disinherit his people for their sins, yet he has severely punished his people for their sins. David sins, and God breaks his bones for his sin: 'Make me to hear joy and gladness, that the bones which you have broken may rejoice' (Psalm 51:8). 'And because you have done this, the sword shall never depart from your house, to the day of your death' (2 Sam. 12:10). Though God will not utterly take from them his loving-kindness, nor allow his faithfulness to fail, nor break his covenant, nor alter the thing that is gone out of his mouth, yet will he 'visit their transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with stripes' (Psalm 89:30, 35). The Scripture abounds with instances of this kind. This is so known a truth among all that know anything of truth, that to cite more scriptures to prove it would be to light a candle to see the sun at noon. Josephus reports that, not long after the Jews had crucified Christ on the cross, so many of them were condemned to be crucified that there were not places enough for crosses nor crosses enough for the bodies that were to be hung thereon.

The Jews have a proverb, 'That there is no punishment comes upon Israel in which there is not one ounce of the golden calf'; meaning that that was so great a sin, as that in every plague God remembered it; that it had an influence into every trouble that befell them. Every man's heart may say to him in his sufferings, as the heart of Apollodorus in the kettle, 'I have been the cause of this.' God is most angry when he shows no anger. God keep me from this mercy; this kind of mercy is worse than all other kind of misery.

One writing to a dead friend has this expression: 'I account it a part of unhappiness not to know adversity; I judge you to be miserable, because you have not been miserable.' Luther says, 'There is not a Christian that carries not his cross.' It is mercy that our affliction is not execution—but a correction. He who has deserved hanging, may be glad if he escape with a whipping. God's corrections are our instructions, his lashes our lessons, his scourges our schoolmasters, his chastisements our admonitions. And to note this, both the Hebrews and the Greeks express chastening and teaching by one and the same word (Musar, Paideia),*** because the latter is the true end of the former, according to that in the proverb, 'Smart makes wit, and vexation gives understanding.' Whence Luther fitly calls affliction The Christian man's divinity.' So says Job (Chap. 33:14-19), 'But God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in bed. He whispers in their ear and terrifies them with his warning. He causes them to change their minds; he keeps them from pride. He keeps them from the grave, from crossing over the river of death. Or God disciplines people with sickness and pain, with ceaseless aching in their bones.' When Satan shall tell you of other men's sins to draw you to sin—then think of the same men's sufferings to keep you from sin. Lay your hand upon your heart, and say, O my soul! if you sin with David, you must suffer with David!

Remedy (4). The fourth remedy against this device of Satan is, solemnly to consider,That there are but two main ends of God's recording of the falls of his saints.

And the one is, to keep those from fainting, sinking, and despair, under the burden of their sins, who fall through weakness and infirmity.

And the other is, that their falls may be as landmarks to warn others to take heed lest they fall. It never entered into the heart of God to record his children's sins, that others might be encouraged to sin—but that others might look to themselves, and hang the faster upon the skirts of Christ, and avoid all occasions and temptations that may occasion the soul to fall, as others have fallen, when they have been left by Christ. The Lord has made their sins as landmarks, to warn his people to take heed how they come near those sands and rocks, those snares and baits, that have been fatal to the choicest treasures, namely—the joy, peace, comfort, and glorious enjoyments of the bravest spirits and noblest souls that ever sailed through the ocean of this sinful troublesome world; as you may see in David, Job, and Peter. There is nothing in the world that can so notoriously cross the grand end of God's recording of the sins of his saints, than for any from thence to take encouragement to sin; and wherever you find such a soul, you may write him Christless, graceless, a soul cast off by God, a soul that Satan has by the hand, and the eternal God knows where he will lead him. I have known a good man, says Bernard, who, when he heard of any that had committed some notorious sin, he was accustomed to say with himself—he fell today, so may I tomorrow.

~ Thomas Brooks