Face to Face With the Gods

The Helm

It seemed to me like I struck some kind of spiritual gold. It didn’t glitter, but it was gold.

Gold that wounded like a faithful friend.

Over the last couple years, I’ve been reading a lot of C.S. Lewis. Books by Lewis, about Lewis, and inspiring to Lewis. In this deep dive, at least deep relative to a guy trained as an automotive mechanic who writes newsletters in maritime jargon, I finally read what is widely heralded as Lewis’ best work of fiction. His final novel.

Like any of Jack’s other novels, you can enjoy the book at face value or you can brush away the dust on the tome’s surface to discover there are layers upon layers of meaning beneath the crust.

I’m talking about the medieval masterpiece, Till We Have Faces.

Clash of Tides

Have you ever felt like you were praying into the abyss without a response?

Let me ask you a question I’ve been asking myself.

Have I been honest with God?

This is the question Till We Have Faces has brought me to. It’s a retelling of the story of Cupid and Psyche, not that I had any idea what the original was then or have any idea now. In the kingdom of Glome, the King has an ugly daughter named Orual, a risqué daughter named Redival, and a beautiful daughter named Istra. It’s a story of loss, strife, loyalty, patience, and silence.

I don’t want to spoil the story or the ending for you if you’re not familiar with it. What’s interesting is the most famous line of the entire book comes toward the end, and it can be read without spoiling the story.

So, I ask you again, have you been honest with the omniscient Creator of the universe? In your heart of hearts, have you shared the deepest and darkest realities with the One who time lasts but a moment or a day can last a thousand years, with wisdom and foreknowledge beyond comprehension?

In the holiest of holies of your heart, is it as clean as you’ve presented the outside?

This question begs another question: have you been honest with yourself?

As you’ve looked in the mirror and hated what you’ve seen, have you tried to clean up the outside in a hopeless attempt to clean up what you don’t like on the inside?

In that secret place that no one but the Lord can see, because even you may be blind to the pearl your heart is deceptively clutching, has sin taken up residence? Think about it: what do flags and banners signify? Ownership, residence, and dominion. Loyalty. To whom is this home loyal? To whom is this building loyal? Under what colors does this ship sail? If your heart was in a game of capture the flag, would the banner of lust, envy, covetousness, anger, wrath, bitterness, resentment, pride, fear, guilt, or greed be flying over it? Oh, it may say holy on the outside, but what of the inside?

This is the long hard look in the mirror we must take.

It’s interesting that in the midst of my own struggling with this face-to-face business, I’ve been accused of the picture I’m presenting on the outside being different from the picture of my reality. That’s not entirely untrue. You see, I’m in my own process of wiping the fog away from the mirror.

What I thought was being a good Christian looked like faithfully saying my prayers. As I heard at a men’s conference earlier this year, Dr. Keith Kelly said, “If it’s important enough to start praying for it, it’s important enough not to stop.” I’ve taken that to heart and I have been praying for people. That’s what some people might refer to as intercession, which is a churchy kind of word for praying for people. Just because it’s churchy doesn’t mean it’s not accurate. The Bible says the Spirit makes intercession for us (Romans 8:26).

However, there has been all kinds of rot in my heart I’ve just been loosely asking God to “help me be better” with. It is a good thing to pray for people. Yet, it’s also said that the prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much (James 5:16).

That’s something to which a man says, “Oof.”

Very similar to what I shared here in the post A Beggar’s Breadcrumbs: My reflections on 20 years as a Christian. The revelation of the Lord saying to me, “You have no idea what it means to love.” And you know what? He was right. And then He took me into those waters into which I can only hope are redemptive.

I’ve had to confess a lot to God and more has come to the surface over the past year as I’ve been learning to get very real with God. I think this started on a horrible day where I felt a physical presence, a presence I can only describe as demonic, as I stood alone on the edge of a South Carolina mountain. I’m not being dramatic.

Yes, I want to lift up my family and friends and co-workers to Him in prayer, but how much are my prayers hindered by the rot down in my heart?

I don’t know, is the face to face answer I have for you. I’m in my own fight with Poseidon. To think what could have been avoided by having a clean heart gives me a shudder in the cold.

So, I’ve learned two things.

One. The Lord has not abandoned me. I have lost my direction. I’ve lost my will. I’ve given over to anger, bitterness, resentment, entitlement. I’ve kept records of wrongs. I’ve sought to drink from cisterns that hold no water. Deep in the recesses of my heart, a dark pearl was kept. In a Gollum-like way, I have sought my own black pearls as the precious and did not know what it meant to love. Yet, in that state, the Lord loved me and did not abandon me. In that love, I could finally be honest with God and the Spirit is still peeling back my gnarled fingers.

Two. I do not believe I am alone. The devil waits for no man to be ready to fight. He is a predator that will attack his prey while it’s down. He will leverage disappointments and circumstances to embed his claws deeper into the weak heart. I’m not special in that I’m the only one who has faltered, stumbled, and fallen. The Lord redeems. The devil is a roaring lion, prowling, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). If you’re hurt or wounded in any way, you are easy prey.

And so, in light of such things, I ask again. Have you been honest with God?

This is a precipice we all individually stand on, and one we will all individually have to answer for. It doesn’t matter what anyone else said or did. We won’t be able to shift the blame away from us to avoid the guilt or accountability. When we have to answer for our lives, and we tell God, “But he did this and she said that and they didn’t do this and you have no idea how I was let down,” His voice is going to cut through all of that and respond by saying, “But I have said…”

A friend of mine used to say something to the effect of it not being about whether we know God, but does God know us? So, in light of asking how we will relate to the Lord till we have faces ourselves, I’ll close the Clash of Tides with this verse.

The Armory

Here’s the good news.

Confess your sins to the Lord, and they can be washed away in the cleansing blood of His son, Jesus.

It is in such hope that we can pry our wicked fingers off of the dark pearl and actually offer that sin to God as a sacrifice. Don’t hear what I’m not saying. God is not pleased with our sin, but rather He is pleased when we confess our sins and give them to Him. I’ve seen it attributed to a few different theologians, but someone made the statement along the lines of “The only thing we contribute to our salvation is the sin we need to be forgiven of.”

So, wherever your relationship with God is at in this very moment, confess your deepest darkest sins to Him, and join voices with the adulterous murdering Psalmist, King David.

Dropping Anchor

It’s so tiresome to be in a fight.

Especially when we blindly wrestle with God.

We dare to ask Him “Why?”

I think I knew why, even if I didn’t know it.

And somewhere down near the root, I loved myself the most. I had forgotten already that I had no idea what it would mean to love. I wish I could see the response if I had every reader in an audience to ask, “Anyone else here ever been dull?”

When we get face to face with God, the scary thing is that we will get face to face with other people. That’s something I’m still working on, but you’re reading part of that attempt. I wish I had a better reflection to show you than ways I’ve gotten it wrong. Pride is a real beast. What I hope to gain is your sense of freedom to become face to face yourself.

The way the wind and salty air continues to blast on a man can rob his joy. In moments of struggle, when you wish your journey was smoother, it’s so tempting to look at others and compare where you’re at with where they’re at. I wrote about another time I did this several months ago in Fighting the Joy Thief.

It’s a good thing we have a Good Shepherd. Like the song says, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.”

Stay Anchored and keep fighting the good fight,

~ J.P. Simons ⚓️

Below Deck: A Deep Dive

This year has been full of my own battling with Poseidon, especially in the realm of bitterness. We can’t afford to be so lulled into sleep that we don’t have the will to fight, even if it’s from a place of rest.

We’re continuing on with Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Device (1652) by Thomas Brooks.

I got off track with posting in the late summer and early fall so if you’re just joining us, which some of you are, and want to go backwards to read what I’ve already shared from Precious Remedies..

• a Note to the Reader was in Inward Decisions Have Outward Consequences

• the Introduction was in You Know What’s Gonna Set You Free

• Chapter 1: Device 1 was in The Polarities that Clash for Power

• Chapter 2: Device 1 was in Fortunes, Forecasts, Lucky Charms

• Chapter 2: Device 2 was in When Providence Turns Dark

Continuing on with Chapter 2…

DEVICE 3: BY EXTENUATING AND LESSENING OF SIN

Ah! says Satan, it is but a little pride, a little worldliness, a little uncleanness, a little drunkenness, etc. As Lot said of Zoar, "It is but a little one, and my soul shall live" (Gen. 19:20). Alas! says Satan, it is but a very little sin that you stick so at. You may commit it without any danger to your soul. It is but a little one; you may commit it, and yet your soul shall live.

Remedy (1). First, Solemnly consider, that those sins which we are apt to account small, have brought upon men the greatest wrath of God, as the eating of an apple, gathering a few sticks on the Sabbath day, and touching of the ark. Oh! the dreadful wrath that these sins brought down upon the heads and hearts of men! The least sin is contrary to the law of God, the nature of God, the being of God, and the glory of God; and therefore it is often punished severely by God; and do not we see daily the vengeance of the Almighty falling upon the bodies, names, states, families, and souls of men—for those sins that are but little ones in their eyes? Surely if we are not utterly forsaken by God, and blinded by Satan—we cannot but see it! Oh! therefore, when Satan says it is but a little one—you must say, Oh! but those sins which you call little, are such as will cause God to rain hell out of heaven upon sinners as he did upon the Sodomites!

Remedy (2). Seriously to consider, That the giving way to a less sin makes way for the committing of a greater sin. He who, to avoid a greater sin, will yield to a lesser, ten thousand to one but God in justice will leave that soul to fall into a greater. If we commit one sin to avoid another, it is just we should avoid neither, we having not law nor power in our own hands to keep off sin as we please; and we, by yielding to the lesser, do tempt the tempter to tempt us to the greater. Sin is of an encroaching nature; it creeps on the soul by degrees, step by step, until it has the soul to the very height of sin. David gives way to his wandering eye, and this led him to those foul sins that caused God to break his bones, and to turn his day into night, and to leave his soul in great darkness. Jacob and Peter, and other saints, have found this true by woeful experience, that the yielding to a lesser sin has been the ushering in of a greater. The little thief will open the door, and make way for the greater; and the little wedge knocked in, will make way for the greater.

Satan will first draw you to sit with the drunkard, and then to sip with the drunkard, and then at last to be drunk with the drunkard. He will first draw you to be unclean in your thoughts, and then to be unclean in your looks, and then to be unclean in your words, and at last to be unclean in your practices. He will first draw you to look upon the golden wedge, and then to desire the golden wedge, and then to handle the golden wedge, and then at last by wicked ways to take the golden wedge, though you run the hazard of losing God and your soul forever; as you may see in Gehazi, Achan, and Judas, and many in these our days. Sin is never at a stand-still (Psalm 1:1), first ungodly, then sinners, then scorners. Here they go on from sin to sin, until they come to the top of sin, that is, to sit in the seat of scorners.

By all this we see, that the yielding to lesser sins, draws the soul to the committing of greater. Ah! how many in these days have fallen, first to have low thoughts of Scripture and ordinances, and then to slight Scripture and ordinances, and then to make a nose of wax of Scripture and ordinances, and then to cast off Scripture and ordinances, and then at last to advance and lift up themselves, and their Christ-dishonoring and soul- damning opinions, above Scripture and ordinances.

Sin gains upon man's soul by insensible degrees. "The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness, and the end of his talking is mischievous madness." (Eccles. 10:13) Corruption in the heart, when it breaks forth, is like a breach in the sea, which begins in a narrow passage, until it eats through, and cast down all before it. The debates of the soul are quick, and soon ended; and that may be done in a moment that may undo a man forever. When a man has begun to sin, he knows not where, or when, or how he shall make a stop of sin. Usually the soul goes on from evil to evil, from folly to folly, until it is ripe for eternal misery!

Remedy (3). The third remedy against this third device that Satan has to draw the soul to sin, is solemnly to consider, That it is sad to sin against God for a trifle. Dives would not give a crumb, therefore he should not receive a drop (Luke 16:21). It is the greatest folly in the world—to adventure the going to hell for a small matter. "I tasted but a little honey," said Jonathan, "and I must die" (1 Sam. 14:29). It is a most unkind and unfaithful thing to break with God, for a little. Little sins carry with them but little temptations to sin, and then a man shows most viciousness and unkindness, when he sins on a little temptation. It is devilish to sin without a temptation; it is little less than devilish to sin on a little occasion. The less the temptation is to sin—the greater is that sin. Saul's sin in not waiting for Samuel, was not so much in the matter—but it was much in the malice of it; for though Samuel had not come at all, yet Saul should not have offered sacrifice; but this cost him dear—his soul and kingdom.

It is the greatest unkindness that can be showed to a friend, to venture the complaining, bleeding, and grieving of his soul—upon a light and a slight occasion. So it is the greatest unkindness that can be showed to God, Christ, and the Spirit, for a soul to put God upon complaining, Christ upon bleeding, and the Spirit upon grieving—by yielding to little sins. Therefore, when Satan says it is but a little one, you must answer—that oftentimes there is the greatest unkindness showed to God's glorious majesty, in the acting of the least folly, and therefore you will not displease your best and greatest friend—by yielding to his greatest enemy.

Remedy (4). The fourth remedy against this device of Satan, is seriously to consider, That there is great danger, yes, many times most danger—in the smallest sins. "A little leaven leavens the whole lump" (1 Cor. 5:6). If the serpent sneaks in his head, he will draw in his whole body after him. Greater sins do sooner startle the soul, and awaken and rouse up the soul to repentance, than lesser sins do. Little sins often slide into the soul, and breed, and work secretly and indiscernibly in the soul, until they come to be so strong, as to trample upon the soul, and to cut the throat of the soul. There is oftentimes greatest danger to our bodies in the least diseases that hang upon us, because we are apt to make light of them, and to neglect the timely use of means for removing of them, until they are grown so strong that they prove mortal to us. So there is most danger often in the least sins.

We are apt to take no notice of them, and to neglect those heavenly helps whereby they should be weakened and destroyed, until they are grown to that strength, that we are ready to cry out, the medicine is too weak for the disease! I would pray, and I would hear—but I am afraid that sin is grown up by degrees to such a head, that I shall never be able to prevail over it; but as I have begun to fall, so I shall utterly fall before it, and at last perish in it, unless the power and free grace of Christ acts gloriously, beyond my present apprehension and expectation. The viper is killed by the little young ones that are nourished and cherished in her belly—so are many men eternally killed and betrayed by the little sins, as they call them, that are nourished in their own bosoms.

I know not, says one, whether the nurture of the least sin be not worse than the commission of the greatest—for this may be of frailty, that argues obstinacy. A little hole in the ship sinks it. A small breach in a dyke carries away all before it. A little stab at the heart kills a man. A little sin, without a great deal of mercy, will damn a man!

Remedy (5). The fifth remedy against this device of Satan, is solemnly to consider, That other saints have chosen to suffer the worst of torments, rather than commit the least sin, that is, such as the world accounts little sins. So as you may see in Daniel and his companions, that would rather choose to burn, and be cast to the lions—than they would bow to the idol which Nebuchadnezzar had set up. When this 'slight offense', in the world's account, and a hot fiery furnace stood in competition, that they must either fall into sin, or be cast into the fiery furnace—such was their tenderness of the honor and glory of God, and their hatred and indignation against sin, that they would rather burn than sin! They knew that it was far better to burn for their not sinning, than that God and conscience should raise a hell, a fire in their bosoms for sin.

I have read of that noble servant of God, Marcus Arethusius, minister of a church in the time of Constantine, who had been the cause of overthrowing an idol's temple; afterwards, when Julian came to be emperor, he would force the people of that place to build it up again. They were ready to do it—but Marcus refused; whereupon those who were his own people, to whom he preached, took him, and stripped him of all his clothes, and abused his naked body, and gave it up to the children, to lance it with their pen-knives, and then caused him to be put in a basket, and drenched his naked body with honey, and set him in the sun, to be stung with wasps. And all this cruelty they showed, because he would not do anything towards the building up of this idol temple! No, they came to this, that if he would do but the least towards it, if he would give but a half-penny to it, they would save him. But he refused all, though the giving of a half-penny might have saved his life; and in doing this, he did but live up to that principle that most Christians talk of, and all profess—but few come up to, that is—that we must choose rather to suffer the worst of torments that men and devils can invent and inflict, than to commit the least sin whereby God should be dishonored, our consciences wounded, religion reproached, and our own souls endangered.

Remedy (6). The sixth remedy against this device of Satan is, seriously to consider, That the soul is never able to stand under the guilt and weight of the least sin, when God shall set it home upon the soul. The least sin will press and sink the stoutest sinner as low as hell, when God shall open the eyes of a sinner, and make him see the horrid filthiness and abominable vileness that is in sin! What so little, base, and vile creatures—as lice or gnats—and yet by these little poor creatures, God so plagued stout-hearted Pharaoh, and all Egypt, that, fainting under it, they were forced to cry out, "This is the finger of God!" (Exod. 8:16; 10. 19). When little creatures, yes, the least creatures, shall be armed with a power from God, they shall press and sink down the greatest, proudest, and stoutest tyrants who breathe!

So when God shall cast a sword into the hand of a little sin, and arm it against the soul, the soul will faint and fall under it. Some, who have but contemplated adultery, without any actual acting it; and others, having found a trifle, and made no conscience to restore it, knowing, by the light of natural conscience, that they did not do as they would be done by; and others, that have had some unworthy thought of God, have been so frightened, amazed, and terrified for those sins, which are small in men's account, that they have wished they had never been born; that they could take no delight in any earthly comfort, that they have been put to their wits' end, ready to make away themselves, wishing themselves annihilated.

William Perkins mentions a good man—but very poor, who, being ready to starve, stole a lamb, and being about to eat it with his poor children, and as his manner was afore eating, to ask God's blessing, dare not do it—but fell into a great perplexity of conscience, and acknowledged his fault to the owner, promising payment if ever he should be able.

Remedy (7). The seventh remedy against this device is, solemnly to consider, That there is more evil in the least sin than in the greatest affliction; and this appears as clear as the sun, by the severe dealing of God the Father with his beloved Son, who let all the vials of his fiercest wrath upon him, and that for the least sin as well as for the greatest.

"The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23); of ALL sin, whether great or small, Oh! how should this make us tremble—as much at the least spark of lust as at hell itself; considering that God the Father would not spare his bosom Son, no, not for the least sin—but would make him drink the dregs of his wrath!

And so much for the remedies that may fence and preserve our souls from being drawn to sin by this third device of Satan.

~ Thomas Brooks