Our lives are a lot like social media.

It’s practically a trope now that we put our best face forward when we post on social media. Our social media feeds generally reflect well on us. In the same way, we can put our best face forward when we get face to face.

Before there was such a thing as social media, comedian Jeff Foxworthy made a joke about someone giving short notice they were stopping by your house and you proceeded to do a flight-of-the-bumblebee style cleanup. Then when the guest arrived, the apologies started. “Y’all, I’m sorry the house is such a mess.” The punchline was why not just tell them, “This is the cleanest this house has been in six years!”?

That kind of honesty would be shocking if it weren’t a punchline, but it works as a punchline because we know it to be true. We edit our lives to make them presentable, even in our small talk, and snicker at the awareness.

How often do you or someone you know ask questions you don’t really care about the answer to? How often do you say something is interesting without being interested in it? How often are we “busy but good”? It’s the glory of kings to seek out a thing that’s been hidden by God, not to speak about seeking.

One practice that’s been suggested in various places is to not speak about a thing until you’ve done it. Don’t say you want to write a book; write it, then speak about it when the work is done. Don’t talk about your plan to workout, just work out.

On the flip side, I’ve tried to handle a lot of weights and weaknesses and sins on my own. Sometimes, I genuinely need a brother to be there and lift me up in prayer. Not out of fear of having to confess a sin, but out of knowing a brother and I can speak about the darkness in our lives without fear of being cast out, by the Lord or each other. Fortunately, I do believe I have that in a couple places where it’s not just in theory. That is a victory that has been and will be won.

It’s easy to hide in words. I’ve low key known this, but it’s been on my radar much more lately that I have a tendency to ramble. Not the Allman Brothers kind, either. That’s probably why I’ve taken to writing so much. It helps me explore finer points on ideas, but even in a project such as the one you’re reading, words veil the human behind them. The unedited rambling man you might interact with face to face is not polished or succinct, gets agitated when he’s interrupted, will stop trying when he feels like the relationship is going nowhere, and doesn’t feel very guilty when he lets out a swear word unless it’s at someone.

While I’m on a roll, I’ll confess something. I am tired of chasing the wind and the vanity of it all. We used to be under leadership that put transparency on a high pedestal under the reasoning it would create the safety for others to open up themselves. I still believe in that idea; if I didn’t, this newsletter wouldn’t exist. However, continually making oneself known to those who don’t show any interest in knowing you - and I’m talking about in person, not fishing for engagement responses here - seems more like effort into a void rather than creating that psychological safety. Clarifying for those who don’t want clarification or putting on display that which others don’t want to seek out? I’m tired of that. I suppose you could call it casting pearls before swine, even if you thought they were sheep. Poor judgment. Oughts are what they are, but this is what is. There are also those who, despite your best efforts, do not want help, connection, or belief in what you tell them. All words.

Regardless of what we present with our words or our faces while we put on our Sunday best, our actions will speak megaphone levels louder than when we speak in the tongues of angels, which amount to nothing more than noisy gongs or clanging cymbals (‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭1‬‬‬). More words. Words can’t hide what our actions proclaim.

Maybe that’s why God corrects us when we are speaking to Him. He’s not impressed.

Our actions show who is important to us. Not who ought to be. Who is. Our devotion will be made manifest, regardless of how we spend our quietest moments. It’s kinda like how we spend our time or our money reveals what’s important to us. Those aren’t always pretty pictures.

When we talk about communication, do we want to actually listen or just get our own point across? Do we want a two way street, or just say we do while revealing we want a one way street?

How we choose to communicate - or not - reveals what we are valuing.

The deep waters of our hearts will reveal themselves in our actions. Words matter little. I think this is why I love dogs. Well, at least mine. They don’t live an edited life. They aren’t duplicitous where they say one thing and do another. As if I’m not casting stones from a glass house.

Do we say we love someone but only give them the dregs from our cup, while offering the first fruits to someone or something else? This is the same dynamic that happens in our relationship with God.

We’re a real mixed bag, sinning against God and each other. I guess it’s made me cynical. Over the summer, I made a deliberate choice to be more optimistic, but to pretend I’m free from the presence of cynicism would be to keep it from the light. In the age of artificial intelligence, it’s not only the chatbots who are artificial. In the light, the ugly truth can be dealt with. I’m weary of working, leading, making effort, dealing with difficult people, while realizing I can be insufferable and scattered myself.

So, what’s the point? I’m still doing the very thing I just said I’m tired of doing. I don’t know if it’s a lack of impulse control or it’s just the route I am destined to journey along. Naming the emotion is part of dealing with it, and being honest with myself and God and apparently you about it.

Half truths and concessions don’t make for healthy relationships, trust, or appropriate vulnerability. Not everyone needs to know every deep, dark secret. In my experience, most don’t want it, and many can’t handle the weight of your world. Some may. The Lord can, and He bids us not to babble. Just be out with it. If you find yourself with someone who really can be your one safe place, thank the Lord of Armies, for He has fortified you with extra grace. For others, His grace alone is sufficient. Be not tempted by jealousy for what the Lord in His wisdom gives one but not another. There’s purpose in His plan.

I don’t know why some things are the way they are. Sin has wrecked this world and there are many instances it’s difficult to see that Jesus is redeeming it. That redemption starts in the heart, not the mouth. His word is trustworthy. Our words are not.

You can still show love to people without words or clarifications. You can act right when all the words haven’t been made right. What you can’t do is honor God with your lips while your heart is far from Him (Matthew‬ ‭15‬:‭7‬-‭9‬‬‬). We also cannot claim to be obeying the first great commandment without obeying the second. Thus, our hearts are revealed.

I saw a post on Instagram right before I got back to work on this issue, and it stated, “A gentle reminder that the way people treat you has everything to do with their character and nothing to do with yours.”

These are words I have to take a look in the mirror over, and what I’ve found reflecting back is that an unwillingness to be honest with myself leads to an edited life with others. Forward steps start with confession.

Make yourself fully known to the Lord. He can handle it. I believe not editing ourselves when we talk to Him is part of what trusting Him looks like. For those who don’t want to know you, that doesn’t stop you from loving them. It doesn’t stop you from showing up for them. It might stop you from saying so much.

However we choose to use our words, whether they be many or whether they be few, our mix of hopes, despairs, and idols will come to the surface. Thanks to the neuroplasticity of our created minds, we can purposefully edit the words we use as our daily drivers so we are not perpetually stuck in the mud.

Wishing you well,

~ J.P. Simons